


The Understanding That I Never Wanted

by amorremanet



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Culture, Aliens, Alternative Perspective, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Community: hc_bingo, Daleks - Freeform, Death References, Episode: s03e04 Daleks in Manhattan, Episode: s03e05 Evolution of the Daleks, Episode: s04e12 The Stolen Earth, Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Ficlet, Minor Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Other, POV Minor Character, The Cult of Skaro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 22:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorremanet/pseuds/amorremanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Dalek Caan doesn't understand until it seems too late. Until everything's been lost and xie's fallen into the Time War, through the Untempered Schism…</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Understanding That I Never Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt, "experiments by evil scientists," for hc_bingo.

Dalek Caan doesn't understand until it seems too late. Until everything's been lost and xie's fallen into the Time War, through the Untempered Schism. Until xie's let the raw power of time itself rip through xyr and somehow manages to come out alive.

Dalek Caan doesn't understand until xie's seen everything—the whole of the Dalek race throughout all time. Everything they are, everything they've done. All of their successes, and all of the myriad failures that inevitably followed. All of the times that the Doctor has defeated them. All of the times they have faced extinction and come back stronger, only to return to ashes and dust. Thanks to the Doctor—or, perhaps, thanks to themselves?

And Caan sees everything from xer own life—everything that Caan xyrself has done—all of it happening at once, in sharp, brilliant flashes. They all rend through Caan's casing and xer body—tear through xyr with the pain of the flesh—they should not be able to do so. They are memories, they cannot hurt Caan, and yet, they do.

*******

Caan hears Dalek Sek's proclamations as though they're happening anew, right here and now. Xie hears xer leader claim that the Daleks must not be superior. If they are superior, then why haven't they triumphed over all other forms of life in the universe? Why are they constantly defeated by the Doctor and his Companions?

Why would they, the Cult of Skaro, even need to exist as separate from the other Daleks? Why must they be set apart, if Daleks are meant to function as a unit? Why would their Creator even need to pick them out and name them, give them individuality and special orders, if the original designs Davros set forth were truly perfect, truly superior?

If the Daleks are the supreme beings in the universe, then why must the Cult of Skaro imagine new ways to survive? If the Daleks are the masters of all life—if they truly have the potential to destroy and dominate all lifeforms—then why is their survival ever in question? Why have they not succeeded, actualized the Dalek imperative? Why must they rely on human aid in the first place? Why have they fallen into this position, if they are not superior?

Can the Cult of Skaro even be regarded as true, pure Daleks when they experience life so differently? Why do they think for themselves? Why do they have different voices, different thoughts? And if they are not pure Daleks, then why have they not concluded that hybridization, evolution, might not be the only way for them to live through the depths to which they've fallen?

Are they not proof that their Creator meant for the Daleks to evolve and change?

These words make sense, and yet they don't. Caan mulls them over as xie works—as xie monitors Dalek Jast, who monitors Sek's vital signs. As xie mixes the gene solution for Sek's precious Dalek-human hybrids. As xie scans the humans, separating them by their intelligence and their potential usefulness to the Dalek cause. As xie surveys the too-weak, embryonic Daleks, all discarded in the sewers while Sek makes comfortable preparations for the humans they will eventually transform.

As xie hears Dalek Sek conversing with the Doctor—their sworn enemy, who offered himself to Caan and begged for death. As xie hears Dalek Sek declaring that the Dalek purpose is wrong, that Daleks must find a new imperative, that this is the only way to survive—that the Creator himself was wrong.

As xie concludes that Dalek Sek—Sek, who Caan has trusted so much; Sek, who Caan has followed to so much destruction, not of their enemies but of themselves; Sek, who Caan would have followed into the Void, had he not called for the emergency temporal shift that left them in Manhattan—that same Sek has led them astray.

As xie begins to plan—and it shocks through xer whole body as the Schism plays out these memories—all of the emotion that the Creator took away. Everything Caan is not supposed to feel, because xie has been elevated above them. That is the Dalek design. Strength and power, intelligence unfettered by the distraction of emotion—and yet it cannot withstand time itself without some change taking place—without the potential for emotion reawakening. It tears Caan's mind apart, imprints on him everything xie sees in the Schism. Everything xie feels.

Regret is cold. The coldest thing that Caan has ever felt—it jolts and writhes down xer tentacles, through xer brain and every cell of xer being. It leaves xer feeling sick. Trembling with the Sight that the Schism has left inside xer mind. With the awareness of all the wrong xie's done, all of the wrong that xer entire species has wrought in the name of some misguided imperative. Some imperative that always leads them into ruin.

And Caan decrees that it will be no more. No more will any Daleks suffer or cause suffering. _No more_.

*******

Dalek Caan doesn't understand until it seems too late: Dalek Sek—that same Sek, whom Caan followed and betrayed—he did more for the Dalek race than their Creator ever did. Sek sacrificed himself—sacrificed everything that it meant to be a Dalek, all in the name of preserving them. Seeing to it that they would not stay stuck in an eternity.

Dalek Caan doesn't understand until xie's seen everything—but once xie has, xer course is obvious. It's not too late. There is always time to set the universe in balance. Xie must tear through the Time-Lock. Xie must rescue xer Creator from the Great Time War. Xie must rebuild the Dalek race and rip them down again—this time, it must be for the last time. Because there is no way for the Daleks to survive. Not without continuing the endless cycle of loss, rebirth, loss, rebirth, destruction, rebirth, and never accomplishing anything that's worth their effort.

And if xie fails? Then xie still accomplishes the old imperative—the destruction of all life, of reality itself, including Daleks. Even loss would be a victory, now. The only thing standing in the way is Davros. The Creator and his delusions of supremacy, of conquest.

He shall soon be disabused of those. Caan has seen it, and so it will be. He will denounce and ruin his own Creator. He will do it personally—and then, Dalek Sek's sacrifice will be truly honored.


End file.
